Like as an alcoholic I HATE the fatphobia related to any form of treatment. The idea that I should stop drinking cause it’ll make me lose weight, the way doctors will point out my “beer belly” before they talk about my liver or my kidneys or the social aspect of my drinking problem, the way people only care about my drinking problem cause it makes me fat. You don’t care about me as someone who’s struggling with addiction.
I encourage non alcoholics to like and or reblog this because it’s a unique experience of fatphobia you don’t understand if you’ve never tried to get help for a drinking problem.
As someone who took etiquette lessons, politeness is an incredibly effective tool for disarming bigots. You can either force them to reconsider their words/actions by directly and calmly confronting their behavior (by using the rules of society in your favor), or you can dip entirely while they appear to be in the wrong.
Both options are great.
Because the thing is, when bigots pick fights, they are 100% counting on you to get louder than them. Or meaner. They want you to react emotionally and provide fodder for their ‘You’re Too Emotionally Immature To Understand’ cannon.
What they aren’t expecting you to do is say one of the following phrases in a polite, concerned tone:
Are you okay?
That’s not the kind of language I was raised to use with others.
Do you need a moment to think on why that wasn’t acceptable?
This is no way to engage in intelligent conversation. Please try that again in a kinder tone if you’d like this to continue. (I really like this one because it lets you turn their public-shame rhetoric around)
For those of you who’d are spiteful and/or dealing with Fundamentalists/Evangelicals/generally shitty Christians:
What’s happening in your life to cause you this much anger? I can’t imagine hurting so badly that I need to hurt other people.
Who taught you it was acceptable to treat other people this way? Certainly not the Jesus I remember.
Whatever happened to 'judge not lest ye be judged’?
If I talked like that in front of my parents or grandparents I would be ashamed.
I think there’s something you need to pray on before we try and have this conversation.
And my all time favorite:
“It sounds to me like there are some seriously dark and angry forces at work in your heart.”
(Nothing stops a Christian bigot in their tracks faster than implying the Devil is causing their bigotry. But you MUST be calm, polite, and gentle with your tone and wording. It is absolutely fair to twist the rules and play them at their own game, but you gotta play hard.)
TLDR: It’s much faster to use etiquette, politeness, and rhetoric reversal when eviscerating idiots online and in person, because they aren’t expecting you to weaponize their behaviors back in their direction. Don’t get angry, get spitefully polite! :)
I once witnessed a very soft-spoken young Southern man take a hateful older woman’s hands gently in his and say “Sister, I am so sorry that the Devil has carved a home for hatred in your heart. I’ll pray for you.”
It was glorious.
This works with all sorts of inappropriate behavior. I work as the archivist in a public library, so I end up on the reference desk a lot, and sometimes patrons will say or do things that aren’t exactly appropriate. When patrons try to hit on me, I put on a teacher voice and calmly ask, “Is that an appropriate question to ask someone at work?” and it shuts them down immediately.
i don’t know where the notion that if you don’t give big bucks to an artist then you’re not really supporting them came from, but when people say even a tiny bit of monetary support saves an artist, it’s not for the aesthetic or the gesture of it all. i’ve been able to have actual drinking water on days i’ve been incredibly broke simply because someone bought a brush pack for 2 euros. in the most actual, literal way i could possibly convey this: the SMALLEST amount counts. in practice counts. people-get-to-eat-today counts. especially in this age of everyone and their mother being out to deplatform artists. there’s value in the tiniest of ways
watching reddit go into a full death spiral is like watching the specifically trans equivalent of the library of alexandria go up in flames
like yes reddit is also the only place on the internet you can get an actual answer to any question in general. but it’s also a huge centralized community database about which surgeons will fuck you over, who takes what insurance, which doctors you can trust, how to write a template therapist’s letter, insurance appeals, peer support, questions that feel too stupid to ask anywhere else, diy guidelines, “hey this is embarrassing but,” finding trans people in your area, explaining why you need PTO without getting way too personal about it, safety tips, et cetera you get the picture
Someone on trans Reddit just bought the url transgender.org and have put out a call for folks to help turn it into a replacement (and more). Here’s a link on r/ftm but it’s open to everyone
Here’s how to use the archive.org Wayback Machine to save webpages. Get what you can while it’s up, prioritize the most important information. And save links to the pages in a text file so we have a record of what survives.
Idk who this guy is but I’m just gonna leave this here without comment and hope the audience I’m indirecting it at finally understands something for once
Text transcription for easier reading:
Usually I wouldn’t address stuff like this but I feel like it as a conversation is bigger than me. I’m not gay; but I think the culture of trying to “find” some kind of hidden trait or behavior that a closeted person “let slip” is very dangerous. Overanalyzing someone’s behavior in an attempt to “catch” them directly contributes to the anxiety a lot of queer and queer questioning people feel when they fear living in their truth. It makes the most pedestrian of conversations and interactions in spaces feel less safe for our gay brothers and sisters and those may be questioning. It also reinforces an archetype many straight men have to live under that is often times unrealistic, less free, and limits individual expression.
I’ve been very clear about the intentionality I try to put into using my platform to push back against those archetypes every chance that I get. Being straight doesn’t look one way. Being gay doesn’t look one way. And what may seem like harmless fun and conversation may actually be sending a dangerous message to those struggling with real issues. I refuse to inadvertently contribute to that message. Happy Pride to all of my queer and questioning brothers, sisters, and individuals. I pray that you feel seen in ways that make you feel safe in the celebration that is this month. As an ally I continue to be committed to assisting in that where I can and helping to cultivate a future where we are all accepted and given permission to be ourselves.
TYLER JAMES WILLIAMS, EVERYBODY
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please also consider reading this thread by his younger brother, Tyrel Jackson Williams (who y'all may know as Leo from Lab Rats)
There are several NGO-funded ships currently operating in the central Mediterranean Sea with the specific intent of saving migrants from what has been for years one of the deadliest migration routes in the world. Here is partial list:
I totally understand if you have doubts regarding these orgs but I can at least say that these are all ships that have been bringing people to safety in the last month. Big orgs like MSF and Emergency have been around for a long time, but on the downside search and rescue missions in the Mediterranean are only a small part of their operations around the world. More focused orgs like SOS Méditerranée and Sea Watch seem pretty dedicated to transparency in what they do, and while the Open Arms website is pretty sparse (or at least the English version is—Open Arms is a Spanish org) they definitely have been working in the Mediterranean Sea for years. In any case I left links so you can decide for yourself what seems the best option for a donation, and if anyone has additions to make they’re very welcome as well.
AlarmPhone’s service is active in the English Channel as well afaik, and has info for migrants trying to cross the sea there too.
Anyway adults saying “I don’t know isn’t an answer” is part of the reason I learned to lie and bluff so well.
Really though, what was that about? I don’t know is a valid answer. It communicates very clearly that the child cannot answer your question, and therefore maybe needs more help understanding the question/situation. Why do you try and push them to give an answer they don’t have? That stresses them out and it makes them feel like they’re being punished for not knowing something.
i thought i was the only one with an “i don’t know” problem because my parents made it seem it was the strangest and also most horrible thing in the world. i genuinely didn’t know and they got angry and that only blocked my thoughts more which meant i didn’t know the answer to anything else.
THIS ^^^
Also “I don’t know” is a commonly used sentence for children with ADHD/Autism. We DON’T know why we can’t do our homework. We DON’T know why we can’t eat certain foods sometimes. We DON’T know why we forgot to do a chore. It’s really distressing when you genuinely don’t know and people think you’re just lying or indifferent
also since we are all critiquing the discourse right now, it would be awesome if we could keep talking about the inhumane ways the European Union treats those that come seeking asylum even after the Titan leaves the headlines. This has been going on for years and it deserves to be more than a whataboutism
There are little romance subplots all around me irl and I don’t have the time to turn any of them into novels
Today I went to my favorite Italian restaurant and was seated at the table nearest the kitchen. We noticed a change to the menu. The list of pastas had been replaced by just “pasta of the day.” We asked what the pasta of the day was. The waiter told us it was a mystery. So we ordered it, and when it came it was pasta with eggs and bacon, and I was so surprised and delighted by this unexpected whimsy that I started to clap. And then I noticed the chef watching me from the doorway and smiling. He had clearly come out wanting to see what people’s reactions would be.
I’m not saying I love the chef or that the chef loves me. I am saying that is a seed with which to grow a romance that I don’t have time to write.
Romance seedling of the day:
Tonight I went to a party and a woman asked me my name.
“Anna,” I said.
“This confirms my theory,” she said loudly, to the entire room. People stopped to listen. “ALL Anna’s are drop dead gorgeous!”
I felt v flattered. I asked for her name.
She flashed me a grin. “Anna.”
Irl, do I love her and does she love me? No. But this is the seed of another romance book I don’t have the time to write.
I was miserable. At a parade! All of my friends were drunk and misbehaving and smelled of rancid tequila. I felt alone and about a million years old. The sun was glaring daggers into my eyeballs.
And then! At this parade! A very large beautiful man I didn’t know! Saw me squinting! Said, “I’m can block the sun for you” and stepped in front of me. My sun-blindness cleared into a vision of his gentle smile.
He was a mathematics professor! Very sober, soft-spoken, kind. Did not insult my drunk friends but also stood carefully apart from them. The perfect balance.
Do I love him? No. But he’s a romantic hero in a book somewhere in the multiverse.
intergenerational trauma has me losing my mind bc it’ll have you looking at your mama like “well i woulda been batshit crazy if i was raised by her mama too.” and then you look at your grandma and you’re like “well i woulda been batshit crazy if i was raised by her mama too!” and rinse and repeat
when you know that the word woke is aave and refers to someone who’s informed about systemic antiblack racism all those conservative rants about “the woke mob” are that much more transparent. whether or not they know what it actually means, the effect of misusing it in the way they do is the same. most people will end up thinking it just means “the radical left” or some other nebulous and vague anti-conservative movement, and whatever topic du jour is considered “woke” ends up completely sweeping any discussions about the antiblack systems that the us is built upon under the rug
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